If in my disease, Major Depressive Disorder, I am not well from the side that physically depletes the body I am surely bound for great difficulty in dealing with the other side of depression, the mental fight.
I've finally accepted that taking my anti depression medication does not mean I am a failure. After years of judging myself along my personal journey of life, the one the Lord has saw fit for me walk, I've been taught through the school of humbleness to accept that I need help. I have become a better person from this thorn in my flesh. I know what I once was before my depression needed to be treated and who I am now. The trials I've known I wouldn't trade because I want to live the way I do now- a closer daily walk with my Savior. My dependence on the Lord's sufficient grace means life. Living on self dependence is to my depletion of life.
This is what my medication does for me: relieves fatigue and restless sleep, relieves suppressed appetite and weakness, positively interferes with the ache in my bones, controls the imbalanced chemicals in my brain such as serotonin, adrenaline, and cortisol... Become educated about cortisol and what repercussions it has on the brain.
My most stubborn self, my belief in lie of super-Christians, and rock bottom places has finally been cracked. Through constant education over the years by my doctors and therapists as well as my own research I can finally accept that there is a physical dysfunction in the brain that really does affect a healthy emotional balance. Floods of chemicals that are out of control and unstoppable without medication, the ones that are stimulated in the healthy brain when facing a "true" circumstance of depression and sorrow, are key factors for the disease depression. Think about this known fact: when we are brought to a hysteric laugh euphoric chemicals are released in the brain. This, to me, means that chemicals in the brain work both ways. Truths like this have helped me to understand the physical side of depression that needs help like any other disease.
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| If it was only 5 cents! |
I used to hate when my psychiatrist would answer the same after many times I questioned him about taking medication, "Would you ask a patient with diabetes to stop taking their medication?" No, no I wouldn't.
An interesting thing about depression-
it is always first ruled out by a negative blood test on the thyroid.
Hypothyroidism. I'm told by at least two of my friends who take medication for hypothyroidism that before they were diagnosed they felt as if they were spiraling into a state of "craziness." They told me about their unreasonable tears, unexplained depression, fatigue, restless sleep, uncontrolled weight loss, anxiety, panic, and more.
If medication is used to stop the symptoms of a disease called hypothyroidism, a more accepted disease, that mimics depression then why would it not be normal to take medication for depression? The two are only separated by the location of dysfunction in the body, granted understanding the brain is much more complex and often becomes a mystery to find the right treatment. Again, truths like this have helped me to understand the physical side of depression that needs help like any other disease.
My thyroid is fine.
What mercy the Lord has upon us depression sufferers. I've read up on depression into centuries ago. My goodness would not those people had given anything to have the modern day medication we do! Truly I have received mercy and only by His grace I know this medication has first been provided by Him.
Depression is a terrible, terrible disease.
God has given me help. He has thrown out the lifesaver in the rain that still falls underneath my umbrella. If drowning, and so often depression feels like drowning on dry ground, such an oxymoron yet it is true, should I not then accept the Hand that saves me, should I not grab the lifesaver of the Hand that feeds me?
I don't hate my pills anymore because finally I understand that they fight against a disease in my body, a body that lives in this fallen world. I believe they fight my disease, not me.
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I'm not a doctor. I have given you nothing in my writing to medically support myself. However, I believe what I write is true through my own experiences, what I have been taught by my physicians and therapists, and my own studying. I can only speak for myself not you. In this post I hope to encourage you not to feel guilty any longer for your need of anti depressants through my testimony.